


I don't wanna listen to myself

by LaineAI



Series: SP one shots [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29856108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaineAI/pseuds/LaineAI
Summary: Kyle suffers from thought broadcasting. One day it hits him really hard and hes forced to admit to it.I needed to project but they're are no fics with this. I have issues with thought broadcasting and my experiences with it heavily effected this fic.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Craig Tucker
Series: SP one shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141073
Kudos: 10





	I don't wanna listen to myself

He knows it's stupid. He knows it's insane and that maybe he's insane. It started when he was around 11. Or maybe younger but he isn't fully sure. One day he's sitting in class and all of a sudden he gets this idea that everyone can hear his thoughts. He knows it's not true but he can't ignore it. 

At first he believes that if he plugs his ears then no one can hear him think. So he does so. He pushes so hard on his ears that they ache. He feels like everyone's looking at him. 'They are'. He looks around and yet no one pays him any mind. He pushes harder. 

When lunch comes and he hides in the bathroom. Plugging his ears. Feeling like screaming so loud he goes deft. His heart isn't beating fast, but it feels too strong. With every pump his muscles ache. 

That was four years ago. He's now 15. No one has even noticed his paranoia. After a year it changed a bit. He sometimes doesn't even think people can hear his thoughts. But when it comes back it hits. Sometimes he feels like people can hear him only if they are in the same room. Often he feels like they can if they are standing on the Same floor. Sometimes it's even just if he's standing next to them. Hell sometimes he thinks people can't hear him if he has headphones on, but very often he feels like the artists who made the music he's listening to or the people who posted the videos he's watching can hear his thoughts through the headphones.

The "rules" keep changing and he feels helpless. 

One day he's standing in line in the cafeteria for lunch. Some of his friends are arguing and some are talking. He's behind his friends in the line and staying quiet. He was thinking of a movie he had watched last night absently and grinding his foot into the floor. 

Then the people behind him start talking. About the movie he was thinking about. He pales and goes still. 'They heard you'. He feels his heart beat bang slowly into his ribs and his muscles are on fire. A feeling he knows well. He was panicking and when he panics, apparently, he runs. He ran to the bathroom and locked himself in a stall. 

'I knew it! They can hear me. Oh god they know what I'm thinking all the time. Everyone's judging me. They know everything about me. All my secrets. Everything.' He swears he can't breath. 

He hears the bathroom door open and panics because someone's here and right now his paranoia's rules are that people on the same floor as him can hear him. 

The footsteps stop in front of the stall and he wonders if they can hear his heartbeat. "Kyle?" It's Craig. He wants to relax but he can't. Even with his boyfriend here. "Ar-" "Go away!" He yells. He hates everything. He wants everything to stop. Or end. 

There's a pause. "I told- " "Are you crying?" He asked. He hadn't even noticed till then. "Let me in." Kyle stays silent. There's a sigh and then Craig's crawling under the stall. Kyle actually jumps when he sees him and pushes himself into the wall. Now Craig's really nervous. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Kyle can't even breathe the right way. Let alone explain...this. "I'm fucking psychotic. Now leave." "I'm serious." "So am I!" He can't seem to understand what he's saying at all. "Okay just breathe. You're okay." Kyle wants to believe him. But how can he. 'He doesn't want you to know he can hear your thoughts. They're all trying to hide it from you.' The adrenaline caused by the fear is killing him.

After a while he does actually calm down. Reality is a lot clearer and he feels stupid. "Kyle, you gotta tell me what's wrong." He doesn't wanna tell him. He doesn't wanna look one of the most caring people to him in the eyes and tell him he's totally mental. 

"I- I think I have thought broadcasting." He doesn't seem to be satisfied. "I… think people can hear my thoughts. It's been happening for a few years and I'll randomly get this idea in my head and I can't make it stop, and suddenly it's just true. And I somehow both honestly believe that it is and that it's impossible at the same time." He hasn't looked at him once. "So then Why'd you run off?" "I was thinking about a movie in line and then the people behind us started talking about it and I just- lost it." 

He knows how it sounds. That doesn't change anything. "I- i" Kyle doesn't think he's ever heard Craig Sutter before. "-don't know how to help." He seemed really worried. "This probably won't help but remember that it's just your brain screwing around. It's no big deal." He finally looks at him. "It can be a sign of schizophrenia." He can feel more tears coming. "I could get older and completely lose sight of reality if this gets worse." 

"Then we'll get you to a therapist." "No!" He feels like a kid, yelling and crying like this. "I don't even wanna talk to you about this." He feels weak. 

"Is it okay for me to touch you?" Craig asks. He actually has to think about it before he agrees. He pulls him into a loose hug. However it's in that moment Kyle realizes how touch starved he is and wraps his arm around him in a much stronger grip. "Please." He knows what he means. 'Please talk to me next time.' 'Please talk to someone.' 'Please tell me your okay.' 'Please let me help.'

They continue to hug. The bell eventually rings which causes Kyle to jump but neither move. They're both fine with missing one class.

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Should I make a sequel? Hope you enjoyed!♡


End file.
